What is it about publishing things for anyone to see that means I start saying things that I know are true, but don't want anyone else to know...???
I meant to write in my post on 'Am I a Buddhist or a Christian...' that Dr. I had said I'd been involved in religious wars (ie wars between human beings of different faiths), but I accidentally wrote 'spiritual wars' (corrected now). Earlier today I'd been talking to a friend about the fact that as a teenager I believed (as did the people I hung out with) that angels and demons were constantly fighting spiritual wars over the fate of the world, and that if one prayed hard enough, in the right way, the angels would win; whereas if one's prayers were inadequate, or there happened to be a nasty bunch of Satanists nearby, the demons would win, effectively meaning that Satan had defeated God and evil defeated good, for good.
No pressure or anything!!! Any wonder I find prayer terrifying??!!!
So much happened at that time. A friend died of an overdose, I began to get sick, and my relationship with my Mum was wounded possibly beyond hope of healing.
How I wish it hadn't happened... How I wish I could undo it all and go back...
Anxiety, grief.
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