Spinning!

I've been feeling a bit spinny for the last week or so.

Not sure whether it's just breakthrough symptoms or something bigger...

Also not sure whether I should put my spiritual explorations on hold till I get better. I don't want to taint anything helpful and valid and positive by mixing it up with psychosis.

When I experience psychotic symptoms, it's usually mostly 'delusional mood,' the feeling that something suspicious and mysterious that I don't understand is happening. Sort of like the feeling you used to get watching the X-Files!!! And I always know when I'm unwell, so even if I do have a few delusions, I don't believe them entirely. It's like I believe them and don't believe them at the same time. It was a bit of a revelation to me when I first realised that: it taught me something about religious faith - that you can believe and not believe at the same time.

There's a meeting on tonight near where I live with a teacher of Advaita Vedanta, but I'm not going, because I want to wait until I'm well and can affirm it as a totally healthy thing.

I've also realised the story I've been writing for the past few months is not really healthy for me; the main character is psychotic and I feel like I'm getting too much into her headspace, identifying with her too much. And I'm putting astrology on hold till I feel better too. So I'm not horribly ill, but I am a bit bored and feel at a loose end!

I may be getting a little spinny because I'm quitting smoking at the moment. That always worsens your symptoms if you have a psych illness. I'm going to concentrate for the timebeing on eating well and getting enough exercise so that I don't go back to smoking purely because I've stacked on the weight!

Anyway, feeling pretty happy right now... Just went for a nice walk. This psychosis bizzo is not a HUGE deal...

[Photo of an orb spider web], downloaded 3rd June , 2010, from:
http://www.pestproducts.com/spider-webs.htm