Zen

Don't ask me
to accept myself
as myself
The sky is
clear as pool water,
grass grows
up
and perfect days
repeat
but I am not
Zen
with it:
I am raging,
ugly,
out of kilter with
every atom,
drop,
blade.
Life is
schism -
foul energy created when
elements are rent
I am so evil it is
not funky
They say,
Walk when you are walking,
talk when you are talking
and die when you are dying
but I was brought up Christian -
I am everywhere else and
I live, though I am dead.

copyright amber proctor 2009

[untitled image of a Zen Circle painting], downloaded 29th December 2009, from:
http://www.presentationzen.com/presentationzen/2009/09/exposing-ourselves-to-traditional-japanese-aesthetic-ideas-notions-that-may-seem-quite-foreign-to-most-of-us-is-a-goo.html.