Example: Alchemy

An example of using anxiety in discernment is how I felt when I was reading Jung's writings on alchemy.
Although I'm very interested in the symbolism of alchemy, the repeated references to the union of the opposites doesn't feel right for me as it reinforces the duality that is at the heart of Christianity and perhaps also at the root of our culture.
I prefer the Zen emphasis on transcending or moving beyond such duality, ceasing to label things 'good' and 'bad', or 'right' and 'wrong', rather, allowing things to be how they are right here and right now.

['"Union of opposites" photo of Laura Hollick with Mark Wedderburn wearing Laura Hollick's headpieces', downloaded 13th May 2010, from:
http://www.soulartstudio.com/wordpress/?tag=beauty].

Trust your Feelings!

I've realised in the last few days that this anxiety I've been whingeing about is actually something of a gift.

I've learnt a lot from it in the time since I started writing this blog.

I was told some time about the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises, a method of discernment in which anxiety is used as an indicator that something is not right or true for the person doing the work. I've come to see my own anxiety in a similar light. I think it is intuition / wisdom / the higher self / God guiding me away from ideas or practices which are not healthy for me, or are not 'my truth,' to risk sounding like a flake!!

Much of the time I think the anxiety acts to prevent me from 'going over the top,' from getting too fundamental or extreme or overly zealous. But then I think my natural 'zeal' and spiritual hunger is a gift as well. It's as though I need both, working in tandem, balancing one another out. Too much spiritual zeal and I get anxious; too little and I lose touch with my spirituality altogether and experience a deadened, empty feeling - which is another indication given to me by my feelings and intuition.

'Trust your feelings, Luke!'

Fowler and monotheistic faith

In his book 'Stages of faith: the psychology of human development and the quest for meaning,' Fowler (1995) writes about the concept of monotheism, which for him has nothing to do with how many gods one worships: it is as possible to be a 'monotheist' whether one is Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, or a person of 'secular faith.'* Instead, monotheism refers to a unity of purpose, (to paraphrase) to having one reason for getting out of bed in the morning! The way that Fowler talks about 'polytheists', with their diffuse, diluted sense of purpose, leads me to believe he is describing the difference between living a meaningful life, and leading a life 'light on' for meaning. Polytheists are invested in so many priorities and pastimes that their investment becomes broad rather than deep.

For me the temptation has always been to move beyond monotheism into monomania. Growing up in the charismatic and evangelical movements, I was taught that God is everything, that almost nothing else matters. This is a distortion which can have unhealthy results. (One expression of it was the notion that for any relationship to be successful each partner must put God before the other, always. This exaggerated view has probably meant that I've had trouble recognising the love and provision of God in the person and loving actions of my partner.)

When I'm able to get in touch with faith and with God, I can tend to get obsessive about them, making them everything, shutting out all else. I can find it difficult to 'go gently' as my spiritual director used to say. I can neglect the balance that is essential to wellbeing. This monomania in turn leads to anxiety.

I was talking to Dr I. about this anxiety yesterday. He suggested that perhaps the anxiety is a sign that I'm 'pushing it' too much, that I've had enough of something (reading a book on spirituality etc.) and that it's time to move on to something else. This rings true for me...

* See my previous post discussing this book by Fowler, 'The Fear of the Lord Part I'.
When I think of secular faith, I am reminded of the monotheism some atheists display regarding art or science as an overarching life purpose.

Fowler, J. W. (1995). Stages of faith: the psychology of human development and the quest for meaning. San Francisco: HarperCollins.

[Untitled image of Ganesh], downloaded 20th January, 2010, from:
http://www.telugubhakti.com/TELUGUPAGES/Pdfs/Ganesh/Ganesh.htm.